A Day in the Mathverse

I see so many questions that come from a place of deep fear of math. Whether it's a new unschooler who is trying to figure out how to "make sure" their kid learns math without teaching it to them, or someone who is insisting they could NEVER homeschool because they couldn't deal with math, the underlying concern at the heart of all of them is that many people suffered through horrible ordeals with "math" in school, and can't imagine that anyone would ever WANT to learn it.
I put "math" in quotation marks there because part of the problem is that it is often taught out of context, and is limited primarily to calculation, rather than an exploration of the very wide field of mathematics that exists in the world.

And that's the thing.
The world is FULL of math. It is everywhere you look, everywhere you go, and in everything you do. How much of it you choose to acknowledge, how much of it you find interesting, how much of it you find useful will depend primarily on YOU, and what you want or need to do. But even if you never choose to fully explore every concept out there, even if you never completely understand all of the ins and outs and whys and wherefores, there is no way you can exist in the world and not SEE math.

If you have children and are fearful of them "ever learning math," especially if you don't think you know enough to teach it to them, the best thing you can possibly do for them is to expand your own appreciation of math, get out there and look at it, feel it, hear it, express it. Look for beauty, and you will find math.

For the last several months, I have been working on a project that I originally envisioned as being a year long exploration. I realized that although I live in a tremendously beautiful place, not everyone has the opportunities that I have to see beauty at this level, every day, everywhere I go. When I was a teen, I had relatives ask me once, about living in New York, "How can you stand living there? There aren't any trees." They, as MANY people do, assumed that all of "New York" is "New York City."

It isn't. :-)

I've been taking pictures and posting them to facebook, to show the extraordinary beauty in the world. In all seasons. I've been out there nearly every day, with my camera, and usually, with one or more of my kids.

These past couple of days, thinking about how often people are fearful of math, and don't realize they are surrounded by it, I decided to take some pictures to show what we see out there with our cameras. I'll take a moment and point out some of the "math" involved in the images, so you can get SOME idea of how easy it is to literally surround yourself- and your kids- with a world where math is beauty, grace, color, shape, and endlessly fascinating. The more you make this part of your world, the less you will ever need to fear that your kids will "never be interested in math." Any of these things are worth exploring, or simply experiencing at whatever level of interest you may have.

We started by looking at reflections. How does light travel? What governs how well a surface reflects? What different kinds of symmetry are there?

Then we looked at some curves.

Then some circles.
Why do the bubbles stay on top of the water?

Does the size or shape or weight of an object change the splash or ripples it makes?

From there, we played with a few concepts.

Weight and gravity.

Centrifugal force.

Balance, movement and gravity.

Motion of a swinging object.

We looked at plants. There are patterns IN leaves, and patterns OF leaves.

Patterns of needles.

Patterns in flowers.

Cones.

Tree bark.

Patterns of color in flowers and leaves.

Patterns of color in animals.

We explored shadows. What can the length, darkness, and direction of shadows tell you about the size of things, the time of day, the season of the year?

We looked at patterns in architecture.
Windows.

Walls.

Columns.

A staircase.

A fence.

A lovely garden gate.

Benches.

And a skylight.

We looked down, and found patterns in the sidewalk.

Grates.

And manhole covers.

We examined the pattern of a light pole... and its inhabitants.

Skipped some stones as the light faded.

And ended the exploration the way it began: with reflections. (Why does the sky turn colors at sunset?)(What ARE "colors"?)

Every day is like this. Every day.
Math is everywhere.
Understanding it starts with WANTING to understand, which starts with seeing, experiencing, touching, loving.
Recognizing.
Thinking.
Wondering.

Explore your world.

When Do You Teach Them to Behave?

I've been reading a lot of comments lately on various forums, where people who are either new to unschooling, or not even remotely involved in unschooling, express their opinions on the subject. Having read such things for many years now, I recognize certain patterns that come up over and over and over.

Someone will post a question or concern they are having.

An unschooler will comment about how they approach that particular concept.

Non-unschoolers will jump in and insist that will never work, and state that parents MUST… do whatever it is that person is heavily emotionally invested in. Limit sweets. Limit "screen time." Teach kids how to behave. Be in control. Mete out punishment (usually called "discipline.") Require the learning of… whatever subject most terrifies that person. Usually math.

I've written before about how difficult it is to communicate with someone on the other side of a huge paradigm shift divide.

Today, I want to address one question in particular.

"If you let your kids make their own choices and do whatever they want, how and when do you teach them to behave?"

The answer is simple.

24/7

I don't sit down and do things specifically to teach my kids how they should behave, but EVERYTHING I do influences their choices.

The piece that is missing, I think, is this:

Unschoolers don't get to hide behind "Do as I say, not as I do."

Since they don't tell their kids how to be, it all comes down to modeling behavior.

If you want your kids to be kind, courteous, good people, then YOU have to be one- and not just when they are watching.

This requires genuine, ongoing, effort.

Being an adult isn't about growing up and getting to make all the rules for other people.

It's about living your own beliefs, your own principles, and allowing others to do the same.

It only works well when your principles, and your demonstration of them, are strong and positive.

No hiding the candy, eating it in private, and telling your kids they aren't allowed to have any.

No spanking, and then telling your kids not to hit.

No "little white lies" that your kids see right through, and then getting angry when they lie to you.

No threats of punishment, and then surprise when your kids hide things from you, so they "won't get in trouble."

No bribery to get "good behavior" and then surprise when your kids won't do what they are told without getting a reward of some kind.

No talking crap about people behind their backs, and then expecting your kids to be "polite."

Want honest kids? Be honest.

Want responsible kids? Be responsible for your actions, and own your mistakes.

Want respectful kids? Respect them.

Want kind kids? Treat them with love and kindness.

Want kids who consider the effects of their actions on other people? Consider the effects of your actions on them.

Want kids who are active, engaged, fascinating people, and lifelong learners? Be one yourself.

It's that simple.

Will your kids be exactly like you?

No.

But if you spend your life engaging with your kids, and encouraging them, sharing with them what is important to you and what is important to THEM, there's a very good chance that they will grow up wanting to be like you, in many ways. BE the kind of person you want them to want to be.

I Wish My Son Would Still Do That

Haven't written here in a while.
Life is busy.
Some good, some challenging, never a dull moment.

A couple of days ago, my daughter had an appointment.
While we were waiting, she wanted to sit on my lap.

This is funnier than it might sound just reading it.
I was in a chair that was not a particularly good fit for my size, so my feet only reached the floor if I was leaning forward, meaning my "lap" was more than a bit precarious.
My daughter is 19.
She is about the same "fit" for my lap as I was for the chair, so we needed to expend a little effort to be sure we didn't both land on the floor in a heap. This included a fair amount of wiggling and giggling.

She sat on my lap, her head on my shoulder, and I had my arms around her.

A woman across the room said "I wish my son would still do that."

Popular cultural assumptions about teens include that they don't want to be with their parents, especially not in public, and especially wouldn't want to be seen expressing any sort of affection.

I guess most teens don't sit on their Mom's lap where other people can see them?

No idea how old that other person's son is.

It made me think about some things, having to do with family dynamics.

Being unschoolers, we have always spent a lot of time together throughout my kids' lives. When they were young, we were pretty much a "package deal," meaning that where one went, typically, we all went. That is not the case so much any more, but we do still spend a lot of time together, either at home, or out other places.

Being people who are... shall we say... "less culturally inhibited," we tend towards silly behavior when we're out playing. Meaning that much of the time, one or another of us does something that many people out there would be horrifically embarrassed to be associated with. Like dancing in the grocery store. Playing on the playground when none of us are "children" anymore. Wearing our own choices of "fashion," straight from the thrift shop.

Mostly, we have fun.

That's not to say that things are always rosy and we always get along perfectly, or that we are out there being role models of the "weird but cool" variety. We have our issues, for sure.

But for the most part, we get along pretty well.
Wherever we are.

Lately, we've been dealing with some challenging issues, and it has been pretty heartwarming to see the sibling love expressed around here. The various running around we've needed to do has seriously cut into the time we would otherwise have had available for things that are decidedly more fun, and everyone has been adjusting around that fairly well, for the most part. We're getting better at grabbing small opportunities, and finding ways to make small, good moments, in the middle of trying circumstances.

So having a teen (almost no longer a teen!) daughter sit on my lap for some cuddle time was pretty nice.

I found it a little sad that it was so unusual that it warranted comment from a stranger in a situation where people rarely speak to each other.
I wish her son would still sit on her lap, too.